Caring for an Autistic Child

By Sharon Daugherty

My good friend Dena has begun to raise ‘Ragdoll’ cats. I had never heard of this type of cat before.  However,  the more I learn about them the more I see similarities between our lives.  Ragdoll cats are white with a grayish nose and ears, and bright blue eyes.  The cat is a combination of a Siamese and Angora, with a temperament that is like no other cat.  The temperament of the cat is so docile, that it will not squeal, hiss, or strike out in anger or fear. If you pick up this breed, it will flop down on your arm in a relaxed position. At first many breeders mistakenly thought these cats did not feel pain.

Dena was sharing that prior to selling any of these cats, she makes the customer sign a sales contract.   The sales contract states that a cat must be kept inside the home or taken out on a leash. When I asked her why the contract,  Dena shared that the cat is not afraid and has no sense of danger. If outside, they might approach another animal not realizing the result.  They have a normal intelligence, yet are known to walk in front of vehicles and seem unaware of dangerous situations.

I have spent my life raising children with special needs. I wish I could send them out into the world with a contract.  It would not just be for those who will come to love them, hire them, and spend time with them day to day.  The contract would state that they need to be with someone who will care enough to watch them wherever they are, watch whom they are talking to, and watch the reaction from those people.

The contract would state that although you might see a grown man, he is like a tender seven year old longing to make friends. (His desire is not like that of those depicted on Criminal Minds, waiting for a victim.)  I would include the fact that he received straight A’s in special education for 17 years and does not know that he is not like everyone else. His diploma looks far better than mine with no mention of Special Education!  I would also write that he is so kind and compassionate to others he would hold their drugs if asked, he would give you whatever money he had if you asked for it.

My fear is that the outside world for my children is dangerous. The legal system often does not take into consideration a low IQ or disability.  Many children like mine have been victimized or taken advantage of before they are out of the third grade.  I want a contract!

Sharon Daugherty is the Director of Customer Care for National Autism Resources

By: Marla Roth-Fisch

Do you know a sensory sensitive child who is trying to understand themselves or starting Occupational Therapy?  If so, Sensitive Sam is the book for you!  This helpful book is based on my experience working with my son who has experienced both challenges and successes when it comes to Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).  Children will enjoy reading about Sam as he engages in several sensory situations at school, home and at the Occupational Therapist’s office.  Children with sensory issues will be able to relate to Sam as he explains from a child’s perspective what it’s like to have SPD.  Professionals and family members can use this resource to start open communication about sensory challenges and ideas for coping.

Best of all, Sensitive Sam also includes a quick reference guide to Sensory Processing Disorder with a glossary of helpful terms and website resources mixed in with its rhythmic and expressive language and bright illustrations.

The book offers a unique conclusion:  using tools to help manage sensory challenges a child can become more comfortable in sensory surroundings, and a child who feels different isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  A great resource for parents and professionals who are looking for a way to comfort and reassure sensory sensitive  children.

Did you know gentle vibration can be extremely calming and soothing for people on the autism spectrum?  A simple vibration toy or product can calm and sooth an autistic person who is feeling overwhelmed or in the middle of a melt down.  They can also sooth an autistic person who is feeling anxious.  Sometimes parents and therapists will give a child with autism a vibrating toy to help with a situation that usually causes a melt down to help keep the person clam during the stressful situation.  While some vibration furniture can run into thousands of dollars here are a few vibrating toys and items for people on the autism spectrum that won’t break the bank!   Vibration products make great gifts for people with autism, Asperger’s or PDD-NOS.

Vibrating Mats

There are a variety of vibrating mats and massage mats out there.  Some also include heat.  When looking at a massage mat make sure that it is a vibrating mat and not the shiatsu style massage.  The shiatsu style mats have hard rolling balls built into the mats.  While some may enjoy this type of massage, for many it is not calming and for some may feel painful.  A favorite mat we recommend is the Vibramat.  This mat is very durable and versatile.  You can place a bean bag chair on top of it for an instant massage chair.  You can stand on it or lie on it and it will automatically shut off after four hours.

Vibrating Pillow

Vibrating pillows are often nice options for the home or classroom.  Some have switches and some are pressure activated.  If you are working with a child who is particularly self injurious it’s best to try and find a pressure activated pillows with no outside switches or hardware that could potentially scratch or harm the autistic person when in the middle of a melt down.  Again remember to avoid the shiatsu style pillows.

Vibrating Toys

Fortunately there are a wide variety of vibration toys to choose from.  Often you can find these toys in the baby section of a store.  Many of these toys are soft, plush toys that are activated by pulling a string.  A favorite massage toy we recommend is a vibrating dinosaur egg.  This egg is small and easy to carry and it doesn’t look like a baby toy so it looks more socially appropriate for children and teens.

Hand Held Massagers & Mini Massage 

There are a variety of hand held massagers and mini massage items you can buy online.  The large variety of styles and shapes make it easy to find something in a favorite color or style, best of all most of these units only cost between $6.00 – $35.00 so they won’t break the bank.  You can even find animal massagers that are fun and engaging for children.

Vibrating Mitt

A newer vibration product that is working well for parents and therapists is the vibrating mitt.  This soft mitt features a soft sheep skin cover.  To use it just place the mitt anywhere on someones body and push down for instant on the spot massage.  This device is pressure activated so there is no on and off switch to worry about.  Also, because it is pressure activated it conserves battery life.

Vibrating Snake

Finally believe it or not, flexible vibrating tubes or “vibrating snakes” are also very calming and work well with people on the autism spectrum.  These flexible tubes can be positioned almost anywhere on the body to provide soothing vibration.  They work well when someone is sitting or laying down too.  The soft rubber cover of these tubes make them a good choice for someone who is agitated.

By: Angela Nelson

Labeling and Requesting are the most basic of all full sentence activities, and provide a basis for your student to understand that communication requires more than single word utterances. The following list of activities offers just a few examples of the many lessons you can use to help build full sentences and a more complete system of communication with your child.

Adjectives

You can use picture cards to discuss adjectives or descriptive words. Some adjectives are clear from the pictures, such as “the apple is round” or “the frog is green.” Other adjectives draw more on a child’s real-world experience, like “the bunny is soft” or “the banana is sweet.” To teach adjectives, you can start with a receptive task. Place cards in front of your child and ask them to “find something green” or “point to something that is round.” This receptive language activity will allow your student to hear some of the adjectives you use, before trying to come up with their own descriptive words when you start to build sentences with them.

To transition this activity to expressive language, you can hold up a picture and ask your student, “What color is the frog?” You will need to prompt your student at first either verbally or using a cue card method as described above.

Wh question

Use a picture of a common item to teach adjectives and WH questions.

Picture cards provide a great opportunity to practice “Wh” questions. You can show your student a picture and ask him or her to answer questions such as “What color is the frog?” “Where would you find a plate?”  “When do you use a pillow?” “Why do you use soap?”

To start, some of these questions will fall easily out of the adjectives lessons you have already practiced, such as “What color is it?” Other questions will provide a new challenge for your student.

Tell me about

Use pictures with which your student is already familiar. The best pictures will be the ones you have practiced extensively on the Adjectives and Wh Questions. Show your student a picture and ask him or her to tell you about the item in the picture.

The first things that your student should be able to tell you about the pictures are the responses that they learned in Adjectives and Wh Questions. The difference with this drill is that you student has to generate the content themselves rather than respond to your question. When you ask your student “What color is it?” they know color is the relevant detail. In the Tell Me About lesson, students have to decide for themselves that color is a relevant thing to tell you about the picture.

You can start with scripted responses, using the picture to cue your student. Then you can progress to more creative responses that might not be so obvious from the picture. For example, show your student a picture of a duck. Ask your student, “Can you tell me about a duck?” By looking at the picture, your student can get some basic answers. “A Duck has feathers.” “A duck has webbed feet.” “A duck has a bill.” As your student becomes more familiar with this activity, you may progress to things about a duck that are not readily apparent from the picture. “A duck can swim.’ “A duck says ‘quack quack,’” “A duck lays eggs.”

The Tell Me about Lesson also gives you the opportunity to increase the length of your student’s verbal activity. Start by requiring the student to tell you only one detail about the picture. Then move up to two, or three or more details. Of course, if you ask your student to tell you three things about the picture, you may have difficulty if they haven’t mastered counting skills. Here’s a trick: hand your student three blocks and have them toss a block into a bucket with every detail they tell you. This is a great way to help your student count their answers, and it makes it fun for them!

Storytelling

The next step in this language building series is Storytelling. Again, this activity builds on the previous lessons. Show your student a familiar picture card and ask your student to “Tell you a story” about the picture. The first elements of the story will likely be familiar from the Tell Me About lesson. For example:

“Tell me a story about a duck.”

“There was a duck, it had webbed feet, feathers, and a bill. The duck went for a swim in the pond, then it laid some eggs and said ‘quack quack’”

As your student’s language skills grow, so will the creativity of the stories!

Generalization

The setting in which you begin to teach language skills is very structured and formal. However these new skills will become more valuable as they generalize across time and setting, and with various communication partners. To help promote generalization, you can start by moving your therapy session to different places – starting even with different rooms in the house.

Next, it is important that the skills your child has learned in the formal therapy session be practiced throughout other aspects of the child’s life, such as during family time and at school. Make sure to bring the cards (or have second sets) to dinner, to the store, to school, etc. Whenever you communicate with your child, require the same full sentences that are expected during therapy. Stop and take the time to use the prompt cards if necessary.

Finally, keep good records and good communication channels open with all of the other professionals and family members in your child’s life. You should send a notebook back and forth to school, or perhaps start an electronic communication log to make sure teachers are requiring the same sentences, using the same words, and bringing in the same prompts as you are at home and in therapy. Consistency is a major key to building and generalizing successful language skills to help your child interact with the world around them.

Angela Nelson received her BA and JD from UCLA where she studied and practiced behavior psychology under Dr. Ivar Lovaas. As Founder and CEO of Stages Learning Materials, Angela has created autism and special needs curriculum products since 1997.

By: Bonnie Arnwine

Halloween is coming and for most children both on and off the autism spectrum this is one of the most highly anticipated days of the year.  Here are a few simple tips to help your family have a Happy Halloween.

Trick or Treating Tips

• Trick or treating is exciting no kid wants to stop getting free candy.  Create a schedule ahead of time for your autistic child.  Decide how long you will go trick or treating and when you will stop.
• Have something positive to go home to, perhaps a favorite snack or surprise gift to celebrate the end of the night.
• If you have a child with special diet concerns or severe behavioral issues talk to your neighbors ahead of time.  You will be surprised how often neighbors want to help.  Give them the treats your child can eat ahead of time so that your child can go trick or treating.  Let them know about any sensory issues or concerns.

Prepare for a Meltdown
Remember exciting events can easily cause an autistic child to become over whelmed.  This is sad for the parents and for the child so be prepared for it.  Talk to your child ahead of time and see if they have any ideas on how to calm down. Here are a few ideas:

• As soon as you see that your child needs to take a break give them one.
• Keep with you a favorite calming item, like a vibrating pillow, small massager or toy.
• Take along a piece of hard candy to suck on while watching a liquid timer.
• Maybe wear noise reduction ear muffs to minimize unexpected noises from other children.

All About the Pumpkin
Carving a pumpkin can be a fun Halloween activity.  For children with fine motor or sensory issues here are a few alternatives to using a knife:

• Poke holes in the pumpkin and let your child decorate it using Mr. Potato Head pieces.  This is fun and can allow your child to change the way the pumpkin looks several times leading up to Halloween.
• Paint your pumpkin.  For children with fine motor challenges you can draw a mouth, nose and eyes and let your child paint on the details.
• Decorate your pumpkin by gluing on pieces of felt, construction paper, feathers, cotton balls or whatever else you and your child can think of.

The Costume
For those children who have a favorite character they enjoy dressing up as, it’s easy let them wear their favorite costume.  For other children you may need to take into account sensory issues.  Remember the face is a very sensitive area of our body.  Many children with sensory challenges can not tolerate face paint, wigs or masks.  Remember to cut off tags and be sure to let your child feel the material and approve it before purchasing a costume.

Simple Sensory Friendly Costume Ideas

• A soft t-shirt with the words: “This is my costume”
• Let your child dress up as a “Smartie Pants” using a favorite pair of pants with “Smarties” candies taped all over them.
• Dog Catcher – Let your child wear their favorite shirt with a name tag that says “Dog Catcher” then place a small stuffed dog with his head peeking out of their trick or treat bag.

Prepare for the Night
Schedules can reduce anxiety and help your child transition through the evening.  Decide when the child will get dressed, when they will eat dinner, when they will go to a party or trick or treat.  Write out the schedule and keep it handy so that your child can refer to it as needed.

Create a simple social script your child can follow.  It can be as simple as this:

• Ring the doorbell.
• Say Trick or Treat, or hold up your Trick or Treat sign.
• Let the neighbor put candy in your bag.
• Say or sign “thank you”.

Know and follow the safety rules.
Create a few safety rules that are important for your child and review them ahead of time before the big night.  Some safety rules in our house are:

• Hold hands while crossing the street.
• No running in your costume.
• Always wear your glow necklace.
• No candy until we go home.

Bonnie Arnwine is the founder of National Autism Resources, an author and national speaker.

By: Angela Nelson

We talked in the last post about building vocabulary, now it’s time to teach your child with autism how to speak in simple sentences. Last post we talked about the importance of using a set of realistic photos as visual prompts to help students learn various nouns, occupations, and emotions. This stage of language development can feel repetitive and basic, focusing only on learning single-word responses. However, when a child with autism begins to gain expressive language skills, it’s an exciting time to watch language emerge and leads the way for speaking simple sentences.

Labeling Sentences

After a child can say several single words when presented with a picture, the next step is to take these single word answers and turn them into complete sentences.

To develop sentences the key is to start simple. As a first step teach the child to use an article along with the word. For example, when showing the child a picture card move toward an answer of “an apple” or “a car.” Once the child has mastered this step it’s time to teach them “It is an apple” or “It is a car.”

As you begin to teach your child to use  full sentences, you will need to use prompts in the beginning. The most common method is verbal modeling.  But it is important to fade the verbal prompt as soon as possible. To help your child answer in full sentences without using a verbal prompt, you can make some simple visual cues.

Teaching simple sentences with the Language Builder Cards

Written cue cards are a great method to remind your student to use full sentences. For example, if you show your child a picture of a car, and ask “What is it?” your child is likely to answer “car.” To prompt your child to use the article “a” with the word car, you can start by putting a cue card in front of the picture with the word “a” on it. Have your child touch each card (the “a” card and then the picture card) as they say the words “a car.” The next step would be to add cue cards for “It is a car.” When your child starts to grasp the concept of speaking multi-word sentences, you can begin to fade the visual cue card prompts.

Requesting Sentences

Another important type of sentence that your child will need to learn to use is a Requesting Sentence. When your child learns to use communication to make requests and get their needs met, it will reduce their frustration level, which will in turn reduce the frequency of tantrums and outbursts.

To teach this skill begin by sorting through your picture cards to find pictures of items your child likes and that you have available to give to them. Food items are often the most successful to start with. For example: Cheese, Raisins, Juice, Popcorn, and Apple. Stick a magnet to the back of each picture and place the pictures on the refrigerator. Write the word “I” on one index card and the word “want” on another and place those on the refrigerator also. When you know your child wants a specific food (as most parents often do), pull the corresponding picture down into the “I want” sentence. Use the visual cues as a prompt to help your child remember to use the full sentence to request their desired food. As always, you should fade the prompts as your student begins to master this full sentence activity

Using cue cards to teach simple sentences.

A Note on Using Cue Cards to Prompt

You may think: Why am I using written words to prompt my child? He can’t speak well, so what makes anyone think he can read?

The cards are not meant for your child to read. They are merely place markers. It makes as much sense to use the words as anything else. However, you could also use something as simple and nondescript such as blocks or blank cards for your child to touch as they say the words. The idea is to give your child a visual reminder to speak the extra words. In fact there are schools of thought suggesting that if you tie spoken words to physical activity that it creates more neural pathways for the words to attach to. Regardless, you can choose to use the word cards, or to use a more neutral object. Decide what works best for your child.

Angela Nelson received her BA and JD from UCLA where she studied and practiced behavior psychology under Dr. Ivar Lovaas. As Founder and CEO of Stages Learning Materials, Angela has created autism and special needs curriculum products since 1997.

By Angela Nelson

Building Expressive Vocabulary
Expressive language is the step where your child learns to actually say words out loud. All of the tasks we talked about in Part 1 come into play when building your child’s expressive vocabulary. Picture cards are a useful tool again, because it just isn’t feasible to bring every object directly to your child. We certainly want them to learn the words bus and airplane, but it’s difficult to get those items into your living room!

The basic idea for building expressive vocabulary using picture cards is just to hold the card up and ask your child “what is it?” The intricacy comes in knowing how to prompt your child and how to fade that prompt. We talked in Part 1 about the importance of your child being able to imitate the words that you say. Imitation is the basis for the prompts you will use to build your child’s expressive vocabulary.

The first several times you ask your child the name of a new picture, you will likely have to model the word for him or her. For example, you ask your child “What is it?” If you do not get a response, you say “apple.” Ideally your child repeats the word “apple.” After a few tries, you can shorten your prompt to “app….” And then to “aaaa…….” And then perhaps to just opening your mouth as if to say “aaaa…” but not making a sound.

Building Vocabulary Using the Language Builder Card Set

A Comprehensive Picture Card Library
It is a good idea to have a large selection of pictures ready to go when you start to teach the lessons we just described. Here are a few tips to help you choose or take appropriate pictures:

• Start with words that are familiar to your child. Words like apple, cup and cookies may be better than saxophone or stethoscope.
• Start with pictures on a plain white, or a distraction free background.
• Make sure to have duplicates available for the matching tasks when you first start out.
• Consider taking multiple pictures of the same item (6 different apples for example) to help your child generalize their newly learned words.
• As your child becomes more comfortable learning new words move to more natural settings for your pictures.
• Have a broad range of pictures, across multiple categories, ready for when your child is ready to move forward!
• If you take the pictures yourself, consider having them laminated for durability.

If you would like to purchase a set of photo cards to meet the needs of your new language program we recommend the  350-Card Set of photo flash cards called the Language Builder Picture Card Set, developed by Stages Learning Materials which is specifically tailored to meet the needs of an early language vocabulary building program.  This set is currently on sale at the National Autism Resources autism store.

Angela Nelson received her BA and JD from UCLA where she studied and practiced behavior psychology under Dr. Ivar Lovaas. As Founder and CEO of Stages Learning Materials, Angela has created autism and special needs curriculum products since 1997.

By: Angela Nelson

Language development varies from child to child, and there are wide ranges of expected “normal” language development in young children. If you have concerns about your child’s language development, you should discuss this with your pediatrician.

By the age of two a child should be able to:

• Follow simple commands or instructions
• Point to an object or picture when it is named for him or her
• Recognize names of familiar objects, body parts and familiar faces
• Repeat words spoken by others
• Use simple phrases and 2 – 4 word sentences by 18 – 24 months

As we all know, there is no “typical” child with autism. Children on the Autism Spectrum may meet some of these objectives, all of these objectives, or none of these objectives. The goal is to identify your child’s specific language deficits (the areas you see them falling behind) and takes steps to help them catch up.

The first stages of language development,  involve listening to words, imitating words, and building a basic vocabulary. In your child’s education program you may have heard professionals use terms like Receptive Language, Echolalia, Modeling, Matching, or Expressive Language. Don’t let these terms intimidate you. Really, they just mean… listening to words, imitating words, and building a basic vocabulary.

Encouraging Emerging Language Skills

A basic step in typical language development is imitation. Many parents are surprised to learn that a parent imitating their child is almost as important as the child imitating the parent! When a 12 month old child looks at his or her mother and says “mamamama,” the mother almost instinctively replies back, “that’s right ‘mama.’” This feedback reinforces the child’s vocalization and encourages them to keep on chatting. Although children with autism may have delayed onset of this type of behavior, or may have some setbacks along the way; it is important to remember to continue to imitate vocalizations with your child to encourage verbal behavior.

Imitation will also provide the first steps in the formation of words for your child. This time I mean your child imitating you! While you are hoping to hear your child imitating full words, remember, this starts with imitating vowels, consonants and syllables. If you say “aaaaa” and your child responds back with “aaaaa,” this is a cause for celebration. You are one step closer to your child saying “ma” or  “apple” than you were before they could (or would) imitate your vocalization. Eventually, modeling words will become the way you build your child’s expressive vocabulary!

Language Builder Picture Cards: Identical Matching

Developmental Psychologist, Jean Piaget, observed that a child first becomes aware of a concept and then acquires the words to convey that concept. Think about this for a moment: a child has to know that an apple is a distinct and separate item, before they know they should give it a name. They have to realize that the apple is different than, say, a cup. This is where matching comes in.

To teach this concept you can use pictures of objects.  Place two pictures on the table in front of your child, one picture of an apple, and the other of a cup (or some non-apple picture). Hand your child an identical picture of an apple. Ask your child to “match” the apples, or to “put with same.”

When your child can consistently match the two cards, regardless of the position of the cards, they likely understand that the apple is a distinct object. Now we are one step closer to giving that object a name!

Building Receptive Vocabulary

Receptive language refers to the thought process involved in hearing, processing and comprehending spoken language. When we mentioned above that a two year old child should be able to follow simple commands, point to objects when they are named, and recognize names of familiar objects; these objectives were examples of receptive language skills.

There are a number of ways to help build your child’s receptive vocabulary. Using photo cards, like the Language Builder Picture Cards,  is one basic and concrete vocabulary building tool that you can do at home. Place pictures of common objects on the table in front of your child. Ask your child to “touch the cookies” or “give me the hat.” When your child can follow the command and consistently select the requested picture, you have added a new word to their receptive vocabulary.

It is likely that your child will need help selecting the correct card… especially the first few times you try this task. Here is a trick to help make picking the right word easier. Start with just one card on the table and increase the number of pictures slowly. For example, if you are trying to teach the word cookies

1. Start with just the picture of the cookies on the table.
2. After your child has learned to touch the cookies picture on request, add a blank card to the table. Ask your child to touch the cookies picture several more times, rotating the position of the two cards each time.
3. Then, add a second picture to the table, and a third, and a fourth.
4. Once your child can select the cookies picture each time, introduce new words using the same method!

Language Builder Picture Cards: Receptive Labeling Can Progress from One Card to Multiple Cards

Angela Nelson received her BA and JD from UCLA where she studied and practiced behavior psychology under Dr. Ivar Lovaas. As Founder and CEO of Stages Learning Materials, Angela has created autism and special needs curriculum products since 1997.

By: Bonnie Arnwine

I’ll start off by saying this is a strange topic for our blog, but after talking with several people in our community I’ve been asked to write about what recently happened to our family.  By now most of us have heard about the tragic crash at the Reno Air Races.  Unfortunately, something went terribly wrong and a piece of the plane’s tail came off before the plane crashed.  My son photographed the part coming off the tail.  It’s an amazing shot, it’s amazing that he took the picture…

Reno Air Race Part Coming off the Tail Before the Crash

Developing Talents

It’s often recommended that you work with a person on the autism spectrum to develop their talents and passions.  My son is incredibly detail oriented, he’s in advanced placement art classes, loves photography and loves aviation.   At five he could tell the difference between an F-14 and an F16, which by the way I still can’t.  So we bought him photography equipment and my husband takes him to airshows to take pictures.  It’s opened up a new community for our son and our family.  Online and at shows Geoffrey has received friendly advice from photographers, met other aviation enthusiasts and is slowly building a social circle.

Life is often Bittersweet

Back to the Reno Airshow, he took the picture, but it’s been bittersweet.  Geoffrey  loves aviation and saw many other people who love aviation die that day.  He feels terrible about all the people that were hurt and he’s haunted by the images of death, pain and suffering that he saw.  As we’ve been talking, he’s shared that he feels physically sick about the pain everyone must be feeling.

At the same time his picture has been shown on CNN, NBC and ABC and that’s good, right?  It is good and we’re glad that his photograph may play a part in explaining what happened that day.  He’s given a copy to the NTSB and we hope it will help their investigation.  The photograph has also shown the world that Geoffrey is on his way to becoming a very good photographer, and his father and I am glad for that.

This is the way life seems to go for us, it’s full of ups and downs, wonderful moments and deep heartache.   This is the way life goes for all of us, people both on and off the spectrum.  Please keep the Reno Air Race victims in your prayers.  We are holding on to Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. “

By: Sharon Daugherty

“Graduation, I will be free” was shouted out in my house several times this month.  Only to be followed with, “when can we go visit my teachers? They told me I could come!”  Fifteen years in Special Education has left its’ mark on my son and assisted me in my mothering skills for a boy born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  I began to reflect on the number of people that have taken part in our lives. My life has been framed  by Doctors, IEP’s, Teachers, Occupational Therapist and Physical Therapist. All of these people have taken part in his health issues and education process. There have been over 500!

From the very beginning there was no muscle tone to contain the drool, no ability to sit, stand or run. Toilet paper rolls on his elbows to remind him that they did not have to curl up all the time. Speech therapist to teach us sign language to use until the words came at 4yrs. These people never complained about the constant runny nose, or drool. He was able to learn from the best the skills he needed to develop future skills. I know at the time, I felt as if I had failed. He was too thin, he couldn’t do what 98% of other children would ‘normally do” at the appropriate age. How do you not take it personally when your child, adopted or not is in the 2% range? One of the Doctors helped me through this by affirming to me that my job was to ‘ be there and love.’

My first IEP  experience was when he was 5. Their goals : Blow his nose, hold a pencil, hold scissors and tie his shoes. These goals I asked to be changed when he was 8. They were not attainable. From then on I made sure that our goals were not too ‘lofty’. Not that I did not want them to be attained, but I wanted to work on what would make him feel successful. Finally Velcro tennis shoes came out and I knew he was home free! At 18, tying is still an impossible task.

I would love to send a note to  all of the hands that have been on my sons’ life. I have a happy and healthy 180 pound son that loves his family, his life and feels like playing golf a few days a week and taking care of an acre of land is a great life. He would want me to add that he goes out with a girl on Fridays’ with her mom. He learned compassion when a classmate had brain surgery and was embarrassed wearing a helmet, so Daniel wore his bike helmet for a month. He learned tolerance as he experienced the patience others showed him as he daily worked on holding a pencil and allowing it to move.  He learned how to carry on a conversation from the many friends that have surrounded him in his classes.

His greatest ability is his memory. He can name just about every teacher and helper he has had over the last 10 years. He can tell you about their families as well. He prays for them by name! He loves people. So while I realize the system is not perfect, it is filled with individuals that use their abilities to enhance the abilities of others. I think that is awesome!